Yup, my husband is still paying back his debt. He's paid about $350 just this pay period. I just did a rough total and it's at about $19,430 that we have paid back since May 2008. I did not add up what we paid before May '08. This does not count the ATM fees that we acquired (which totaled about $200 in just two months last summer; he's since gotten better at that). This does not count overdraft fees that we have acquired due to him taking money out of the ATM that we did not have (also totaled about $200 during those same two months in the summer of '08). He is gradually getting better at this. This does not count all the "cash back" we have gotten while doing a transaction at a store in order to save a trip to the ATM so he could pay debt back. There was a period he did this instead of going to the ATM in order to save on fees. I'd rather him get a .50 pack of gum and get cash back than pay $3-4 in ATM fees. Yes, that's what was happening! The $19,430 total also does not include cash advances that he has taken to pay his debt, nor does it include the resulting fees and interest we are paying to pay those cash advances back. Again, he's getting better at this as well.
I am just to my limit. I am trying so hard to be understanding and kind. I don't want to make the panic attacks worse and I know he feels bad. However, I am getting really sick and tired of him not following how much money we have in the account, not talking to me about paying something before he pays it (admittedly, he's getting better, but he should talk to me EVERY time, as we have agreed in the past), try to put things off to the next pay period more often, etc.
My name is the only name on the account and I cannot seem to find the backbone to just put my foot down and say "no" if there is any way at all to pay it. I don't want to deal with the panic attacks and arguments that will result from not paying it. Of course, even when he does pay it, he feels so guilty that the rest of the night is usually riddled with panic attacks as well. There is no way to win.
If you couldn't tell, he's off paying a $20 debt now and I am venting. Thank you for letting me vent. I will be back to being optimistic about it all in a few hours. 
$19,430 Vent
September 26th, 2009 at 06:40 pm
September 26th, 2009 at 07:06 pm 1253991980
September 26th, 2009 at 08:58 pm 1253998686
A $20 debt seems like an odd one to run off and pay...unless you were going to a casino.
I apologize if I'm way off. Please feel free to delete the post if necessary...but I just wanted to put the red flag up if you haven't seen it.
September 27th, 2009 at 12:18 pm 1254053928
As you suggested, I may delete this post in the future. I don't like to reread the frustrations as much since it's still fresh and I don't want to reignite the feelings, ya' know? I'd rather have a lot of optimistic ones that I can go back to and pull strength from. These are real feelings though which are important to share as well. Anyway, thanks for the support.
September 27th, 2009 at 02:32 pm 1254061941
((Hugs)) I appreciate your sharing your situation/feelings and wish you the very best in getting through this together.
September 27th, 2009 at 03:01 pm 1254063664
September 29th, 2009 at 09:15 pm 1254258928