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It's been awhile, because things only got worse.

December 14th, 2008 at 09:26 pm

Well, it's been almost a full month since I last wrote, because things have just continued to go downhill. If you read my last post you know I felt like we were "on the brink of disaster" and now I feel like my toes are hanging over. We have had to take two cash advances in the last two payperiods to cover "surprises" and I just can't handle it anymore. I had a little breakdown tonight, this is just not how things are supposed to be!

It's crazy that I am in this situtation, because I have enjoyed reading personal finance books for about 7 years now and have been committed to being smart with my money. I know others in this community have probably wondered how we could have so many "surprises" and why I can't budget better, but without going into it too much, it's because my husband had borrowed money (a lot of money) that I didn't know about and we are now paying it back. Unfortunately, he didn't keep a record of this borrowing so we pay whenever he remembers a new debt. It's been hard, I want to pay it back, it's important to do that; it's just draining us - financially and emotionally. We've paid $1,000+ in personal debt per payperiod more than once. If it wasn't over a $1k, it was several hundred. This has been going on for months and I'm just beat.

I haven't said anything to any friends or family about this or about our debt in general. I haven't said anything here, because I don't want anyone (even y'all who I don't personally know) to think poorly of my husband. Much of this money that he borrowed was used to help out other people, ironically enough. I know it wasn't the most responsible thing for him to do and it's caused a lot of heartache (which he is well aware), but he does have a good heart. He hasn't borrowed anymore since June and has promised not to. I believe him, now it's just getting past all of these "surprises" and getting consistent with living a budget.

Anyway, it's a bit of a tangent, but wanted to explain, but try not to blame. I love my husband and just hope (and trust) that everything will work out for us sooner rather than later. *sigh* That's my prayer.

10 Responses to “It's been awhile, because things only got worse.”

  1. beautissamiss Says:

    I'm sure it will work out. I wish you the absolute best! *hugs*

  2. lizajane Says:

    Keep working together on this, and it will make you stronger in the end. I'm sure he already has enough blame placed on him by himself, so you are correct in not blaming him for the problem. While he may have been trying to help others, it's doing nothing but hurting you now by having to do cash advances to cover things. Hopefully, he can see that now, and will not "promise" to you not to do it again, but will see for himself that it can't happen again.

  3. Ms. Pearl Says:

    I wish you the best too. I feel a lot like you so don't think you are alone.

  4. whitestripe Says:

    oh dear. i know how you feel. i have a friend who got herself in $20k + worth of debt helping pther people. she also has a kind heart. you just have to keep reinforcing to your husband that you know he wants to help, but that in helping someone else he is not helping his family. eventually he will (i hope) realise that he cannot help everyone (though it sounds like he has since there is no new debt since june). i just sincerely hope that he isn't taken advantage of by other people, which is what happened to my friend. my best wishes to you and *hugs* to you all.

  5. Broken Arrow Says:

    Awww, hang in there. Perhaps he has finally realized, as I have, the importance of being financially responsible... or at least not borrowing any more money.

    It's a good thing he has you.

  6. snoopycool Says:

    Definitely hang in there. If you guys work together, you can get through it and will be stronger for it. Best wishes.

  7. Personal Finance Student Says:

    Thank you everyone for understanding and your kind words! It helps to finally tell someone. It's been hard to keep it all in and to myself. My husband said he'd understand if I wanted to talk to anyone (even family, friends), because he realized I hadn't; I just don't want anyone else's opinion of him to change, ya' know?

    Anyway, thank you for the support.

    BA & lizjane, I think he has realized for himself that this sort of thing cannot happen again. And you're right. He has definitely put enough blame and pressure on himself because of it. He is having a hard time with knowing why we are where we are.

    whitestripe, I hope he wasn't taken advantage of, but it's hard for me to know since I didn't know everything at the time.

    Mrs.Pearl and beautissamiss, thank you.

    Snoopycool, I think we will be stronger for it once it's over, even once we get over the surprises and work our plan to get out of debt. He is absolutely committed to that now, so now we just need time to pass, doing what we need to do.

    Thank you again. The support helps.

  8. North Georgia Gal Says:

    I understand your feelings...I often don't tell people things because I am worried about their opinions of my husband/children or whoever. But it helps to get it out. Just hang in there and you guys will get through this.

  9. Ima saver Says:

    hugs to you!!

  10. Koppur Says:

    We're here for you! And please don't think we would think badly on you or your hubby because of the situation we are in. We've all made mistakes, and your hubby doing what he did out of the kindness of his heart is a much better reason for being in debt than buying too much junk, like me. Smile

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